All they see is something Wrong — with a capital W. You feel caught between them. You love and, yes, respect your parents but you also love and admire your partner. Bridging the divide is important. The child of the disapproving parents is caught in a terrible bind. Listening to and responding to either side makes the other feel abandoned, unloved or disrespected.
When Your Parents Disapprove of Your Partner
The partner who is the focus of dislike may feel constantly under pressure to prove her or himself to be worthy. If unrewarded, the efforts can soon turn to resentment and anger that spills into the relationship. Fortunately, there are less drastic solutions than the romantic death scene in Romeo and Juliet.
But it takes work and willingness. As our world becomes smaller through social media and increased ease of travel, more and more people are finding themselves in love with someone their parents never considered as a suitable mate. If people dig in their heels, the consequences can be terribly hurtful and long-lasting. However, the painful bottom line is this: If your parents persist in not accepting the situation, your first loyalty is to your partner. This is the person you have chosen to make a life with. Even if your parents threaten never to see you again, to treat you as dead, or to cut you out of the will, loving your partner means living with those consequences.
My Parents Don’t Approve Of Who I’m Dating
Hopefully, when your parents see that you are committed to the person you love and the life you have chosen, they, like Tevye in Fiddler and Robert in Downton , will come around. Marie Hartwell-Walker is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor.
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She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. She is author of the insightful parenting e-book, Tending the Family Heart. Check out her book, Unlocking the Secrets of Self-Esteem. Retrieved on January 16, , from https: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Oct Published on Psych Central. Find help or get online counseling now.
Just because you disagree doesn’t make your parents dumb.
By Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed. The older generation clings to their attitudes and opinions because it helps them feel safe in a changing world. Even though you're feeling scared or are worried that mom and dad will simply say no, lying about your new girl will make matters worse. This goes for partial truths, too. For example, telling your parents that you are thinking about going out on a date with the girl when you've been dating her for the past few weeks isn't being honest. When they find out the truth, your parents aren't likely to continue trusting you or your judgment.
Make honesty a priority, and fess up to your entire relationship from the start. Don't confuse the word "tell" with "dictate.
Approaching the conversation in an argumentative way is likely to look disrespectful and make the problem worse. Calmly sit down with your parents and explain your side of the story. If they say "no way" or tell you that you can't see your new guy, avoid arguing.
You can either accept their decision -- if you feel that their dislike has merit -- or you can rationally explain your own points. Even though your parents may have the final word -- especially if you still live under their roof -- going into this type of tricky conversation with compromise in mind can help everyone to get what they want. Compromise is a key ingredient in every relationship, including those within your family.
If you already know mom and dad dislike your guy, consider what kinds of compromises they might agree to. For example, suggest that you'll only see him at your house or while under their supervision, or that you'll invite him over for family dinners so they can get to know the real him before the two of you get serious. Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.
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