Abstinence dating

When I asked him why, he told me it was because he knew I was abstinent. At that time, I had already made a commitment to abstinence. I never took an official pledge or anything, but I'd made a personal decision, based on my Christian beliefs, to not lose my virginity until marriage. I wanted to follow Jesus's teachings and honor the Bible's commands to resist "sexual immorality" and give myself only to my spouse — not as dogma, but as a rule I truly believed was in my best interest.

But when the boy I liked told me he was dumping me because I didn't want to have sex with him, it really hurt. I'd thought my chastity was just a minor dating roadblock. But for him, it was nothing less than a deal-breaker. I was recently reminded of that first time my celibacy became an issue for me as an adolescent when I read that Tim Tebow and Miss Universe , Olivia Culpo, had split up , reportedly because of Tebow's vow of abstinence. While sources close to Tebow and Culpo have denied the rumors , saying they never even dated in the first place, the story raises an interesting question:.

If one person is abstinent and the other person isn't, is abstinence always a deal-breaker? Or can couples work around it? Waiting till "I do": For people in their 20s, like Tebow and Culpo, being abstinent is relatively uncommon, but it's also not rare. In light of these stats, it's not totally uncommon for sexually active people to find themselves dating someone who is abstinent.

Despite our cultural belief that teens and college-aged people are inherently promiscuous , that's not quite the case. Not all virgins abstain from sex for religious reasons. But some teens approximately 1 in 8, according to one estimate do take chastity vows, sometimes out of religious or parental pressure.

What It's Actually Like to Date Someone Who's Celibate

Beyond not having sex: Ross, 26, said he dated a woman who was abstinent for religious reasons for almost two years. He told Mic they ultimately broke up not because he had an issue with her abstinence, but because they simply didn't have much in common anymore. The fact that they didn't have sex, Ross said, "wasn't that big a deal" at the time.


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Maggie, 34, was 17 when she started dating her first boyfriend, who was a devout Christian. Prior to dating him, she had fooled around with other boys, but she'd never had penetrative sex. Research on this population tells us a few things: Furthermore, taking a virginity pledge will often encourage other types of sexual behavior.

I was curious about how men maintain pledges in light of these statistics, and also balance them with expectations about masculinity. So in , I began researching a support group of 15 men at an Evangelical church in the Southwest. Rather, the men of The River approach sex as something sacred, a gift from God meant to be enjoyed in the confines of the marriage bed. And it is precisely because of these so-called beastly elements that these men find each other in the same space every week.

Dating an Abstinent Girl | Futurescopes

The men of The River grappled with pornography use, masturbation, lust and same-sex desire, all of which can potentially derail these men from their pledge. It raises an interesting dilemma: Yet the way they navigate this seeming contradiction actually allows them to exert their masculinity in line with the demands of Guyland. Group members had an elaborate network of accountability partners to help them resist temptations. While these behaviors may seem unusual, they work in ways that allow men to actually assert their masculinity.

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The River, as a support group, works largely in the same way. The men of The River believed that the time and work required to maintain these pledges would pay off in the form of a happy and healthy marriage. Ciara, in discussing her commitment to abstinence with Russell Wilson, similarly added that she believes such a promise is important for creating a foundation of love and friendship. All but one had gotten married. Respondents reported that they still struggled with the beastly elements of sexuality.

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They also had the added concern of extramarital affairs. Furthermore — and perhaps most importantly — men no longer had the support to work through these temptations. First, respondents had been told, since they were young, that women were nonsexual. At the same time, these men had also been taught that their wives would be available for their pleasure. If you are a gentleman, you need to respect her beliefs — and your own needs — and move on.

When and where However if you wish to keep dating this girl despite knowing that she is abstinent, you may have to make certain adjustments to your personal life. The first thing to understand is that you will have to plan your dates carefully. For one, stick to activities that allow you to keep your clothes on. Likewise don't get into a hot tub together or plan to give your date a massage as a birthday treat. Make sure you meet in public places and spend quality time in ways that do not induce sexual feelings.

Dating while ABSTINENT/CELIBATE : "The Talk"

Limit physical contact People who take a vow of abstinence are usually forbidden from having sexual intercourse before their marriage — this does not mean that you cannot kiss or hug your partner. And yet one thing may quickly lead to other. So if you are dating an abstinent girl, know what is allowed and what is not.

If she is OK with holding hands and kissing, ensure that you both know when to stop and what boundaries not to cross. Don't put your girl, in an awkward position by engaging in long make-out sessions. Watch your manners Small gestures of attentiveness which are simply endearing for a regular woman would mean a lot more to someone who is abstinent. These acts not only make you appear well-mannered and a gentleman but to her these are the very limited means by which you can show that she is special to you.